Do you hear me ?

Why am I here? To live, to love, to suffer, or to survive? Why do I need to be heartbroken to love better, who said it's the way of the world. Why do I have to cry till I lost my breath to fake a smile and lie about being okay. Why do I have to hide my inner war instead of screaming out my lungs? Why can't I just surrender? Why do I have so many questions but no answers at all? Why do I have too many words but no meanings? Why do I have voice if there's no one to hear me out? I'm sick of begging to be understood. Am I too much of a dreamer ? Do I ask for too much ? Why don't you see me, hear me, feel me ? God, what did I do wrong ? Why don't you let me bloom my seeds of my garden. Why do you let my tears flood to drown the soil, my body and soul... Aren't you the one who said only love and change all things ? I swear, I try my best to love but that's still not enough. I swear, I love the sun even if it burns my skin, I love the moon even if I'm scared of the dark. I even tried to love myself, it was the hardest part to see myself while losing the biggest war of my life. Didn't I deserve to win a little bit anymore, my god? Do you hear me ?