...till I actually fill that void in me

...till I actually fill that void in me

I’ve been always wanted to be living for a proper purpose for my entire life. However, unfortunately, I’ve never found that kind of purpose, never reached or never held onto that, ever. And maybe, that’s why I always felt a void in me. Moreover, I could never properly fill that. Is it my age that was the main problem? Or is it the circumstances that I born into? Is it my family? Is it my friends? Is it the future that I, myself, chose to have? I always asked that kind of questions to myself, those always wandered around in my mind that don’t ever leave me alone. Yet, despite to all those questions that keep increasing day by day, I’ve never thought that I could be the problem actually, I didn’t want to; because I knew that this would be an inextricable disaster. Of course, anyway, I’ve never thought that I am totally perfect too, but again I wasn’t the reason of that void in me. It wasn’t my self/ego, it wasn’t my thoughts, it wasn’t my feelings that are guilty. That must be something else that I’ve never reached, I can’t reach. Maybe, if I can prove the real guilty then I can actually get rid of those burdens that don’t let me even breath right now. Maybe when I can do that, then it’d be the exact moment that I can live thoroughly. But I don’t know how to do that and that’s why it seems like I must live like this for a long time, till I can actually fill that void in me.